The Hole

I wrote this for a friend. I hope this helps.

When faced with the loss of a loved one, it seems inevitable that you sink in to the deep hole known as despair. At first you accept that this is how it should be, but after a while you notice life around you goes on, but you can't help feeling trapped. Trying to leave the hole seems hard, and the more you try the deeper the hole gets. The longer you stay in the hole the harder it is to leave.
You plead for help, asking...

"How do I get out?"

Friends and family idly stand by, unknowingly giving you the incorrect answers such as;

"It's gonna be alright."

"Don't worry, you'll get there."

"I'm here for you." 

While you're still trapped in this deep dark hole, they stand by, not really doing anything to help you out. But instead ,make you as comfortable as you can be, in the hole you've sunk into. Not that it's their fault, we've been brought up to respect other people's emotions. We tip toe around them in fear of upsetting them more. The thing is, you are already at rock bottom when it comes to sadness and despair, and all you ask is...

"How do I get out?"

What you need is someone who is willing to push you when you are down. As harsh as this may seem, this is the only way out. This person comes along and pushes your friends to one side as they make you comfortable in this deep, dark, fetid, damp, infested hole. The longer you stay, the more poisoned you become. This person hears your call and reaches out their hand for you to grab. They say a few words that pierce your heart, but it's the only thing that you need to hear rather than what you want to hear. Hearing those word allows you to move forward and take their hand. It allows you to move on with your life. This person says to you...

"You must let go."

You look down to see yourself holding the hand of your loved one. That loved one is not going anywhere. That loved one is there to stay - in the past - and until you let go of that loved ones death, the death that has shrouded you in misery, you can't move on. Hearing those words out loud will allow you to grab hold of this persons hand ,and grant you the freedom from the hole. 
The thing that keeps you prisoner is yourself holding on to the death of the loved one. That person still lives on inside of you, in everything and everyone that person has ever touched. Your memories of them can live on, the happy one, the ones of love, of kindness. But the one that holds you back is the memory of their death. This is the one that has you trapped in this hole. Allow me to be that person that can give you strength. I'm not saying move on, that will take time. I'm simply saying...

"You need to let go."

Now you say it. Say "I need to let go." Out loud. Let go and leave that hole. The crevice of depression that is holding you back. It's what your loved one would want you to do. Again, I'm not saying to forget your loved one, I'm saying forget the death, the heartache. Remember the love and the happiness. From then on, it gets easier, believe me.


Thank you for reading. I hope that this helps you to the path of recovery, and if for whatever reason this has upset you, then please don't hesitate to let me know.